V (vivnsect) wrote,

Do many of you really live 'in the moment'?

I came to a realization recently that I think I spent the better part of my early twenties passing through my life but living largely right after everything would happen. Everything happened to me, but the me of then was living very out of body. It was like I was viewing my life as if it was totally detached from me. Even passion and orgasms were sweeter when dwelled upon hours after the fact. I would even relish the nostalgia *more* than the actual moments as they happened, the good and the terrible.

Does this make sense?

I feel like only in the last two years or so that I actually started to feel present in the moment. Now when I have an orgasm, am lost in a kiss or am in an embrace or talk with someone and look into their eyes, it feels so much more intense as if I finally jumped into myself after all that time. I do still dwell at points but not as intensely and I relish being in the moments more.

Maybe this is why when I look back on all the craziness of my early twenties it all seems like a really distant dream. I look at my hands and my legs and my eyes and I wonder if that was really me, if those parts of my body were *even* there at all in the memories I have.

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